Crazy Larry's body stops shaking. Shannon wonders whether he is still alive. She is too frightened to get closer, but she must. He is sweating profusely and she checks his pulse. His heartbeat is racing. Suddenly, he grips the rails of the bed, his fingernails cutting into the bottom of his palm, causing it to bleed.

                                                                                                                

I really look up to her.  She is the reason I no longer am visited by my dad for these senseless beatings ---sometimes nearly beaten senseless.  I see her clever ways.  Once he stops coming around, she stops eating so much.  She only eats here and there.  But she continues to keep the weight on.  That is a mystery to me, until I happen upon her secret.   

                                                                                                                                                

I see her sneak out of her bedroom one night ---and I follow.  She goes to the basement. There is a room down there set up as a weight room.  And that's where her secret is revealed to me. She doesn't see me.  But I see as she peels off layer after layer of clothes ---and some stuffing that she'd duct-taped to herself.  I see that she isn't big anymore ---or rather she is big in another way.  She is now becoming very muscular. 

She had turned her weight into muscle, but she still stuffs her clothes to make it look like she hadn't changed. It is a real art, and she is really good at it.  If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would have never known.     

                                                           

Then one night, she sees me. I promise I won't tell, but I don't think she likes me.  She doesn't like anyone sharing in her secret ---and I think she still fears that man will come back. 

            

     At eighteen, my sister leaves the group home.   With too many painful thoughts and memories …I fear I'll never see her again.   I hear she wants to become a nurse.  There are many things I want to end up becoming, but I end up in a private mental institution …with none other than my sister as the nurse.  I discover that our father owns the facility, but I'm certain she never knew of his connection to the place …nor to her.  I begin to realize what Mom had said about my father keeping all his cracked eggs in one basket.  He is still attempting to maintain that control …while still keeping that grip of fear wrapped around her.   It is sick the way he tries to keep us both within his wicked and watchful eye ---his basket of cracked eggs.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

    She continues to wear her armor ---in fear that if she didn't, he'd make himself known in the way he had in the past.   She does a good job at making herself look big.  But if you know her secret, like I do, you can tell by the muscles in her hands.  

                           

At the mental institution, I meet someone who I oddly trust from the very beginning.   Previous to this, I've only trusted two people in my life ---Nanny and Mom.  Her name is Maggie Major.  And it is quite an experience knowing her.